I Might As Well Put on My Mom Jeans

Once upon a time I had a style so well-defined that I could walk into any cute little shop and with ease say, "This is a T shirt." I bought what I loved and I wore it. But somewhere between stay at home mom and mid thirties I lost all sense of style, especially my own. Who knows what a "T" shirt might look like these days, because the only thing you'll find me in is a tee-shirt or a plaid button down. Although sometimes I do mix it up and go with a layered look, putting my tee-shirt under an unbuttoned plaid, but that's only when I get dressed up. Sad. True.

The thing is, my carefree, comfy couture would work, if it actually made me feel comfortable or even carefree, but it doesn't. Instead it makes me feel a little like I've given up, given up a part of myself, my creativity, my voice.

I've come up with a few reasons why I believe my style is MIA:

1. As a stay at home mom and a known homebody, I don't interact with the masses. I don't have a reason to get all dolled up.

2. My husband loves me just as I am. Thank you Jesus, he loves me just as I am, and even a little bit more when I'm in sweats, sans make-up, and here's an interesting fact, with chipped nail polish. Go figure.

3. I've never dressed this person that I am now before, and I don't know what she likes. Sorry for the third person reference, but she, who is really me, actually feels a little like a stranger in the fashion department.

                     So, I might as well go ahead and put on my mom jeans, right?

Maybe not quite yet. Terrified at the thought, I dug deep and discovered rebuttals to my own faulty reasonings, determined to uncover the fashionista that I know still lives inside.

1. The truth is, I struggle with seeking the approval of others in many areas, but fashion and my personal sense of style has never been one of those areas. I never dressed up so that others would see and affirm me. I did it, because it made me feel good. The reason to get all dolled up back then was me. The reason to get all dolled up today is still me. P.S. If you know me at all, you know dolled up is a little bit of an exaggerated term. 

2. My husband does love me just as I am, but I think the reason my gunk free face and jacked up nails appealed to him in the first place was that it was something I shared only with him, a way he could see me and no one else could. He would never admit it, but I have to wonder if the look is a little less appealing now that it has gone public. 

3. Discovering new clothes that I might possibly learn to love could somehow be construed as a fun thing, if one were, say, transparent enough to admit that they were actually concerned about such trivial pursuits.

Minutes later...

I'm calling my own transparency into question as I struggle to push "Publish Post." Should I make you all aware that this Jesus girl with the Jesus blog is actually concerned with pursuits as shallow as new clothes? I could give myself the sermon right now on all things "worldly." In reality it's playing in my heart and in my head as I type.

More minutes later...

In the end, I'm gonna push the button, because that's the point of the whole thing. Transparency. Good, bad, and ugly, but all true.