Wide aWake Wednesday

It's Wednesday, so you're probably expecting Share the Love Wednesday, which is now forever changed to Share the Web Wednesday - no alliteration, no can do. But, your "scheduled quite regularly these days" programming is being interrupted so that I can bring you "Wide aWake Wednesday" in honor of the fact that is is 1:30 AM and I am indeed wide awake. I feel like I just woke up from a four hour power nap. From my bedside table an empty Mountain Dew can looks at me sheepishly.

The middle of the night is a very vulnerable time, so I don't enjoy experiencing it. I always try to pray myself back to sleep, which I used to feel really guilty about, fearing God might think I thought He was too boring to stay awake for, but then an amazing Bible study teacher explained that there was no safer, more peaceful place to fall asleep than in the arms of Jesus. What a freeing thought. But I'm usually either just sleepy enough that my prayers turn into half coherent hallucinations or I'm too wired and can't concentrate on one thing at a time. This is where I find myself now, jumping from one tragic event to the next, because my middle of the night daydreaming doesn't take my wandering mind to creative places or warm fuzzy memories. No, just the opposite.

The middle of the night is when I'm most afraid. Big terrifying thoughts like death, leaving children without a will, and the urgency of needing to get that done years ago. Small irrational fears like Axl's 1st grade teacher thinking I'm a failure, when I have to ask the Thanksgiving plan again, because I lost my notes from the beginning of the year meeting. The one that was supposed to save her the hassle of dealing with it the week before any big event. Self deprecating thoughts like other, more of everything women would just get up and use this energy to clean something or bake or both instead of wishing the energy would just go away so that they could sleep.

Tonight, this morning, tomato, tomoto, I'm taking every thought captive, refusing to spend another minute in fear and shame - two places that God has called me out of.
2 Corinthians 10:5, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to God."

Obedient to God and His reassuring truth that death is not a thing to be feared by a child of God, and more importantly, He is in control of my children, loving them, providing for them, with or without me here to oversee His work. Thoughts obedient to God say my worth is not bound to poor organizational skills, or a need/desire for sleep. Though just to be clear, obedience to God does not include disorder and laziness. When I intentionally filter every thought through the truth of God's Word, I'm not at the mercy of my sinful, wandering mind. Instead, I can rest easy in the never ending mercies of the Father.

Do you have thoughts that hold you captive or cripple you with fear? I encourage you to seek out Biblical truth that speak to those areas. Be intentional about memorizing the Scriptures so they're always at your disposal. Identify the thoughts immediately for what they are, and take them captive with God's Word.