One of the best parts of a trip is the anticipation of the departure; the time spent daydreaming about all that is to come and the experiences to be had. I like to hold on to that excitement for as long as possible, so I often wait until the last minute to pack my things. To me, packing marks the beginning of the trip. Before I ever lock the door behind me, my mind is far away in some destination holding fond, future memories. A good trip can relax ones mind and bring sanity to a chaotic world.
There are journeys, however, that we don't choose to make. They are the ones marked by dread and nervous anticipation. Ones that take us into life's hard times where the final destination is known only by the Father. These journeys can be long and hard, full of rough seas and rocky shores. Preparations for these journeys often start long before they begin, and so often we don't even see that they have been made until we've touched down in the place God had so lovingly set a course towards. A long journey can restore ones faith and bring joy to a broken life.
In the past six months, I've been on one of those dreaded journeys. A journey, that I now realize God began preparing me for more than 20 years ago when I was first diagnosed with cancer behind my right eye. God miraculously healed me of the disease, but allowed my face to forever show its physical effects. How I've cursed these scars. How I dreaded the day God would call me to travel the road of letting go. For the last 18 years I've been consumed with not only hiding my scars, but, through numerous reconstructive surgery attempts, consumed with just trying to make it all go away. As I've walked this journey, well, was mostly carried through this journey, God has shown me that He has allowed my face to more than just "show the physical effects." He has desired my face to "show off" His healing powers, His redemption, and to reflect His glory.
The road towards acceptance of the incomplete blink, the chipped bones, the underdeveloped facial structure and jaw bone, the deteriorated tear duct, and the eyebrow that will never return has at times been overwhelming. Add in pit stops that called for forgiveness of all the hurtful comments and remarks, learning to be content in God's love and acceptance above all else, and ultimately committing to fully share with complete honesty all that has transpired, and it has often been a road that I longed to quickly exit off of.
Oh, but as I've come to this part of the journey I am so grateful for the trials, the rough seas and rocky shores. This journey like so many others is not one I would have to chosen for myself. Thank you God, that your ways are not my ways, and that your timing is not my timing. For had You not taken me on this journey, I would have missed out on the beauty of the trip ahead.
