The Transparent Me started as a personal journey to be free from hiding, and hiding I was good at. My biting sarcasm hid the hurt feelings and emotional jello that rested underneath the surface. My tattered and torn Bible, marked on every other page was proudly carted around in hopes that it would hide the sin and spiritual stagnation that had overtaken my heart. Most of all, I was good at hiding from myself and the shame that threatened to overtake me at any moment. For nearly twenty years I wore a physical mask that covered visible scars. I put my whole hope in my ability to conceal the brokenness of my body, thinking that if I could hide the scars on the outside there would be no evidence of the brokenness on the inside. As it turns out, I was quite successful at hiding from a great many people.
As I began to share my story of brokenness and eventual healing at the hands of the Father, feet of the Father is much more accurate, I marveled at how many people were surprised to discover my deep rooted insecurities. I was disturbed by how many people claimed to see me as an example of confidence, someone to emulate. Oh, don't get me wrong there were many, many who saw right through my phoniness and knew that I was constantly one false move away from falling apart, but to others I had it all together. I realized that from the outside looking in it would seem that way; a great husband, a weekly date night, a fantastic kid who's well behaved and totally cute, a nice house, fun friends, vacations, the whole bit. My heart sank as I realized that while I was looking around at all the well put together women I encountered, thinking why can't I just be more like them, many of them were looking at me thinking the same thing.
That realization ended the hiding. I no longer wanted to be a part of the cycle that continually pushed women deeper into the pit of hopelessness, unworthiness, and constant comparison. I became passionate about sharing the redeeming message of Jesus, and how He chooses to use us when we are broken not in spite of our brokenness. The Transparent Me, is all about the good, the bad, and the ugly of my life, and it is all real. No masks, no hiding. It is a journey that only my Jesus could strengthen me for. I know that it is what He has called me to, and I pray that through this process He is glorified and you are encouraged.
With Much Love and Transparency,
Tonya
