Tuesday Tunes: "Sun & Moon"

The Psalms are full of Scriptures testifying to God's great creation and the praise that that creation continually brings forth.

Psalm 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.

Psalm 96:11-13 Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy. Let all creation rejoice before the LORD, for he comes, he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in his faithfulness.

Psalm 150:6 Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord.

Psalm 148:3-10 3-4 Praise Him sun and moon; praise Him all you shining stars. Praise Him you highest heavens and you waters above the skies.

All of nature is a testament to His power and stands in awe of His majesty. We, all of mankind, are God's greatest creation. God saw Adam and said it was very good. But from the beginning man has chosen to go his own way. Choosing to worship the creation instead of the Creator.

For me that looks like refusing to die to self daily, and instead feeling as if I'm owed quiet time, open lanes for speeding, and the ceasing of all others cell phone conversations in my presence. Ironic that other people's selfishness is so annoying. Oh the list is long and ugly, and I realize more and more every day that I am the center of my universe. I must decrease, so that He may increase. I must give more away. Love. Grace. Mercy. Tolerance. I must reflect Jesus who gave it all away. The struggle continues.

I love the idea of nature offering praises to God. The imagery all around offers reminders that my life is to be about praise, about the creator, and not the creation made in His image. Some of my favorite worship songs center on that theme.

Response, the latest effort released by Phil Wickham, offers a collection of 11 powerful songs that will move your heart toward God. My favorite, by far, is "Sun & Moon."

If You are the sun
Then I wanna be the moon
I want to reflect the light
That shines from You
And if this is war
Then I'm gonna draw my sword
This time I know what I'm fighting for

God I wanna let You know
I want everything You are
I'm waiting for the morning light
To show a fire in the dark

Shine Your light
I want to feel You now
God I need a miracle
Take my heart, make it glow
Shine Your light
From the inside out
I wanna be more like You
If You are the sun
Then I wanna be the moon
I wanna be the moon

If love is a choice
Then I need You to hear my voice
I'm the one knocking on Your door
Making all this noise
Whatever it takes
I'd give it all away
I want to show my love in a thousand ways

The moon sits in darkness; It offers no light on its own. The sun is the source of its radiance. Jesus you are the Son, so I want to be the moon.

Mom's Monday Musings: Maintaining Confidence

Axl: We got our school picture proofs back today.

Mom: Oh yeah, how does it look?

Axl: Ehhh. My hair looks like it is sticking out this far. Think big. I think the camera was broken, because I know my hair was perfect.

Oh to have such confidence.

A few days later that confidence was challenged. Axl wanted desperately to finally win a recess race. Cheat, that was his plan, and it almost led him to victory. Fall. That was his reality. In front of all the friends who'd gathered to watch the race, Axl's plan ended with him face down on the finish line.

"Loser. Loser. Loser." Those were the words that greeted him.

He cried soulful tears as he retold the story; and we wept together at the shame of sin and the damage done by words.

"Axl you are not a loser, and your friends don't really think that you are a loser."

"Why would they say that then?"

I know first hand how the cruel words of peers, when internalized, shape our identities. Please God give me wisdom.

We just held, loved, remembered that God came as a baby (helpless and weak); He announced His birth to shepherds (lowly losers of their time); He befriended fishermen and thieves (the poor, the dirty, the outcasts). We counted all the ways God made Axl special and uniquely gifted that had nothing to do with handball, obstacle courses, or races. God doesn't make losers.

We remembered how one of Jesus' best friends treated him cruelly, and how Jesus forgave Him and loved him anyway.

We remembered the force of the enemies temptation, but we focused on the power of the One who is greater than he who is in the world. We remembered that crossing the finish line as a cheater doesn't make you a winner. We prayed forgiveness all around.

I remembered that being transparent about our hurts, fears, and dark places brings them out into the light. I encouraged Axl to always remember the same. In all that remembering, Axl forgot and finally smiled.

It was a hard day, but one packed with lessons and blessings you can't get on an easy day.

Fan of Friday...I'm a fan of "Just Do Something," by Kevin De Young

This summer, after returning from Uganda with a fire for action ablaze in my belly, I met with our worship pastor and mission’s leader (one person, two jobs. we’ll call him Brian, because that’s his name) to discuss my future role in the place I had come to love. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted to do something, but then I got busy. The fire wasn’t extinguished but it became more like a smoldering ember than a four-alarm call to action. 

During that meeting, Brian pointedly asked, “Tonya, what do you want to do?” I used quotes, but in all fairness it could have been, “Tonya what is that you want to do.” Either way, he used my name, which seemed so authoritative and he asked in a way that almost demanded an answer; and I began to cry.  

I sputtered on with answers that were more inquiries than assertions. Really I just wanted him to tell me what to do, and even said as much. Through my tears I left Uganda and went big pictures, and though it was not his intention, I felt like I was being called out for all talk and no action.  

“women’s ministry?”

“speak?”

“I’m scared. I quit things. What if it’s all about me? What if it’s not His will? What if I quit this too?”

Brian, who always wants to “unpack” statements and know “what that looks like,” listened to my rambles and took in my reasons for complacency. To him, all my seemingly spiritual reasons for not moving forward were all about me. That I could put in quotes with confidence, because that’s what he said. It sounded profound, so I nodded in agreement – you know I could never appear to misunderstand the profound. Truth – I had no idea what he was talking about. How could it be all about me when I all I wanted to do was please my Jesus? The thing is, I knew he was right, but I couldn’t figure out how or why. 

Then I read about this book called, Just do Something. The title appealed to me immediately. The content is changing me. I finally understand what Brian was trying to tell me.

It’s a quick read, only 158 pages. Packed with Scripture, it will challenge you and cause you to think differently about the will of God. If you’ve ever wondered what God’s will is for your life, then read this book? If you’ve ever felt compelled to just do something, but feared that that something might be your idea and not God’s, then read this book. If you’ve ever felt like all your reasons for stagnation had more to do with you than with God, then read this book. Want to just do something with your faith? Do it. But also read this book.

I Might As Well Put on My Mom Jeans

Once upon a time I had a style so well-defined that I could walk into any cute little shop and with ease say, "This is a T shirt." I bought what I loved and I wore it. But somewhere between stay at home mom and mid thirties I lost all sense of style, especially my own. Who knows what a "T" shirt might look like these days, because the only thing you'll find me in is a tee-shirt or a plaid button down. Although sometimes I do mix it up and go with a layered look, putting my tee-shirt under an unbuttoned plaid, but that's only when I get dressed up. Sad. True.

The thing is, my carefree, comfy couture would work, if it actually made me feel comfortable or even carefree, but it doesn't. Instead it makes me feel a little like I've given up, given up a part of myself, my creativity, my voice.

I've come up with a few reasons why I believe my style is MIA:

1. As a stay at home mom and a known homebody, I don't interact with the masses. I don't have a reason to get all dolled up.

2. My husband loves me just as I am. Thank you Jesus, he loves me just as I am, and even a little bit more when I'm in sweats, sans make-up, and here's an interesting fact, with chipped nail polish. Go figure.

3. I've never dressed this person that I am now before, and I don't know what she likes. Sorry for the third person reference, but she, who is really me, actually feels a little like a stranger in the fashion department.

                     So, I might as well go ahead and put on my mom jeans, right?

Maybe not quite yet. Terrified at the thought, I dug deep and discovered rebuttals to my own faulty reasonings, determined to uncover the fashionista that I know still lives inside.

1. The truth is, I struggle with seeking the approval of others in many areas, but fashion and my personal sense of style has never been one of those areas. I never dressed up so that others would see and affirm me. I did it, because it made me feel good. The reason to get all dolled up back then was me. The reason to get all dolled up today is still me. P.S. If you know me at all, you know dolled up is a little bit of an exaggerated term. 

2. My husband does love me just as I am, but I think the reason my gunk free face and jacked up nails appealed to him in the first place was that it was something I shared only with him, a way he could see me and no one else could. He would never admit it, but I have to wonder if the look is a little less appealing now that it has gone public. 

3. Discovering new clothes that I might possibly learn to love could somehow be construed as a fun thing, if one were, say, transparent enough to admit that they were actually concerned about such trivial pursuits.

Minutes later...

I'm calling my own transparency into question as I struggle to push "Publish Post." Should I make you all aware that this Jesus girl with the Jesus blog is actually concerned with pursuits as shallow as new clothes? I could give myself the sermon right now on all things "worldly." In reality it's playing in my heart and in my head as I type.

More minutes later...

In the end, I'm gonna push the button, because that's the point of the whole thing. Transparency. Good, bad, and ugly, but all true.

Share the Love Wednesday: Fields of Gold

One can waste much time behind the screen that grants endless access to knowledge without wisdom and headlines without facts. How many times have I sat down to send a quick e-mail and found myself entangled in the lives of the Kardashians? When there is a worthy task to be avoided, the internet provides unlimited distractions and I fall prey to them all.

But women with a real voice, ones who use that voice to glorify Jesus, are a distraction that I can feel good about. The blogs of Christian women are like reality TV without the "guilty pleasure" tagline. I've stumbled upon some that I love and want to share with you.

Check out Samantha Reed's Blog, Fields of Gold. The first time I read her words, I had to fight hard the temptation to be overcome with feelings of jealousy and inferiority. Her words are poetic and poignant, but relatable and oh so readable.

Here's a post from August called, "I Am Loved"  Spend some time there when you have a free moment, they won't be moments wasted.

Tuesday Tunes

Tuesday Tunes: I’m Forgiven

I love music, and like most people I can’t be pinned down to one genre. I’ll even take rap or heavy metal, if the content is bearable. Music makes us feel. It stirs us from the inside and so often the rhythm does actually get you, just like Gloria Estefan warned.

I’m a lyrics gal – all about the words, and when I hear a lyric it becomes hard wired into my brain. I can’t forget it no matter how hard I try. Achy Breaky Heart – really – please make it go away. For that reason, I have to be careful about the content of the music that I enjoy. Oh be careful little ears what you hear, right?

Today, my inner iPod hit repeat on one line of a song called “Forgiven” by Sanctus Real. It’s not a new song, released in 2010, but neither is its message.

Sanctus Real: "Forgiven" 

I’m reminded of the wrong

That I have said and done

And that devil just won’t let me forget

In this life

I know what I’ve been

But here in your arms

I know what I am

I’m forgiven

I can’t contemplate this truth without gratitude greater than words welling up in the depths of my soul. Without the atoning work of Christ on the cross, the wrong that I have said and done would have created an unbridgeable chasm between me and a Holy God, but through Him, I am forgiven (period).  That is who I am, a title that defines my existence.

Now that I am forgiven, having repented and turned away from ugly like you could never begin to imagine just by looking at me, I am no longer bound to the memory of the past offenses, except, of course, when the devil just won’t let me forget. In those moments I remember that my Forgiver chooses not to remember my transgressions (Jeremiah 31:41 NIV). He has removed them from as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12 NIV).

How about you? Does the enemy taunt you with sins of the past, tricking you into believing that you are too tarnished or too damaged to be used by a Perfect King? Or worse, that you are too much of anything bad to even be a child of God?

Hebrews 10:17-18 says, “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more. And where these have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary."

Sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary. Oh My Goodness that’s some good news, and I pray that you hear it, internalize it, and live it out.

The depth of my sin is a reminder of the depth of His forgiveness. I embrace the chance to offer Him praise at that thought, but I refuse to allow the enemy to negate that opportunity with thoughts of shame and guilt.

Here are some other great songs about God’s amazing choice to not remember all that He has forgiven.

                                           Casting Crowns: "East to West"

And one of the best lyrics ever, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us." Kim Walker with Jesus Culture: "How He Loves Us"

Mom's Monday Musings

Play dates are a beautiful thing. Axl enjoys the company of a playmate for a long afternoon of endless imagination and mess making, and I enjoy a long afternoon of not being the playmate - fun is had by all. My favorite thing about play dates though is listening in on the very serious conversational exchanges between two little boys. Friday’s gathering was no let down, as the conversation veered to a very important subject indeed.

Guest: “The only way to kill a rattlesnake is with a sword or a knife. You have to stab it in the heart, ‘cause if you stab it in the body you just dissect it.”

Axl: “You can shoot it with a shotgun too. In the head.”

So there you have it, Rattlesnake Annihilation 101.

And then there was this:

Guest: flush…leave bathroom

Axl: from down the hall “You didn’t wash your hands!”

Mom: somewhat relieved that at least he knows one SHOULD wash their hands before leaving the bathroom…somewhat frustrated that the information hasn’t influenced his own bathroom etiquette

The exchange reminded me how easily we spot the speck in someone else’s eye. You would think that the plank in our own would hinder our vision.  

Matthew 7:3 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"