Going to God Not Bed

I am trying to memorize the first chapter of James. It’s my favorite book of the Bible and it’s packed with the kind of spiritual truth that a gal like me, or any gal for that matter, needs at her disposal in a moments notice. The entire book of James is the ultimate goal, but realistic is where I’m starting. James 1:2 reads, “Consider it pure joy my brothers when you experience trials of many kinds…” Now this is not Tonya kind of thinking. This can only come from Jesus, so I’ve been repeating this verse over and over.

“I see Phoebe potty mama.” Consider it pure joy.

“Mrs. Stiles, we need you to stop your work again and come upstairs to answer another question about tile.” Yes there is still endless construction in my home. Pure joy.

“The freezer stopped working and we have to throw away all of our food. Yes, even all the stuff we bought at the grocery store two days ago.” Joy? Really? Okay Jesus; Pure joy.

But today, my world and all of its minor issues piled up so fast and so high that I was buried under overwhelmed and defeat before James 1:2 could escape my lips. By the time I had a clear moment to remind myself of James' words, my joy was so depleted that this truth wasn’t making its way past my mouth into my heart. Today didn’t feel like pure joy.

I was tired and empty and I so desperately wanted to crawl into my bed and escape the demands coming from every direction. I wanted sleep to be my refuge like it has been so many times before, but today instead of going to bed I went to Jesus.

I went with tears and frustration, confusion and fear, and He met me in the midst of it. Today was not great, and it didn’t get tied up in a neat bow, but Jesus gave me the strength to endure it head on, to persevere ‘til the end.

James 1:3 continues, “because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” That’s what Jesus rained down on me today – perseverance, and on a day like today that’s exactly what I needed. 

Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Psalm 30:5 For his anger endureth for a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may last for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. (KJV)

So Good Nighteth to all Ye Fair Maidens. I bid you adieu ‘til morn from whence my joy cometh….I love me some King James Version.

P.S. I wrote this last night and due to major computer malfunctions and an OCD thing I got going on with the submit button, it didn't get submitted. I know now that Jesus was holding off so that this little praise report could be added.

This morning Warren said, "Man T, you were really sleeping hard last night." He had to go in last night for an emergency and I totally missed him coming home, the barking dog, the dog apparently falling out of bed from all the excitement, the other emergency call that came even later in the night, the whole bit. I was asleep in my Saviour's arms and He was giving me rest. The best rest I've had in months. Oh how I love Him so.

Maybe bed is not where you run for refuge, maybe your refuge is found at the mall, the gym, the pantry, or the TV. Maybe, prayerfully, you've discovered your refuge in Jesus and you know the peaceful rest that floods you like a tidal wave when you're nestled safely in His arms. I know that today will bring trials of many kinds and a testing of my faith. I pray for me and for you that when those times inevitably come we are reminded to consider it pure joy knowing the testing of our faith does produce perseverance. But, if the road seems to get too hard and our joy gets buried I pray we rest confidently knowing our refuge is found in Him and Him alone. I pray we remember to go to God and not to bed.

With much love,

Tonya

I Can't Get No Satisfaction

Written in part on Saturday, January 22^nd, 2011

I just finished an enormous hamburger from a well-known fast food chain conveniently located one block from my home. Before living in such close proximity to said fast food chain, it was my favorite place to get a bite on the go. Now, after four years of taking advantage of it’s drive thru temptations -not so much. Now it is the, “I don’t have the time or energy to feed my poor family anything but their charbroiled convenience.” It has become the last resort.

So today with the first week of a new semester coming to an end and a weeks worth of housework lurking in every room, a last resort effort was in order. The burger was edible, but not delicious not even good really and yet I continued to consume it with much vigor. Even after my stomach was full to the point of excess I continued to eat. I was on a mission. I was searching for one good bite - one with just the right blend off all the toppings; one good ending that would make those calories worth the effort, but it never came. I reached the end of the oversized letdown and felt unsatisfied. Oh I was stuffed to the point of sickness, but I was still empty. The burger had met my physical need, but it had not offered me anything good. That’s a lot of pressure for a burger right?

How many times have I continued down a path of indulgence or destruction, hoping that the next turn would bring some sort of goodness? In the past it looked like one more drink hoping it would distract me from whatever issue I was hoping to avoid, or the belief that another doomed relationship would finally meet my need to belong. These days the compromises are much more subtle. Hours spent surfing the entertainment pages, finding them much less convicting than Scripture or the allowance of one little sin to remain unchecked, because it makes my life more convenient. The extremes have changed but the issue is the same. Seeking to find goodness, satisfaction, or meaning in anything other than Jesus will always leave me feeling less than satisfied.

I have known the fulfilling, purposeful message of Jesus for most of my life. In fact, I don’t remember life before Him, yet time and again I have sought my own path and inevitably discovered that it left me broken and empty pleading for mercy. Please know that I walked many of those journeys while simultaneously traipsing up and down the halls of a church building. The sins of pride, judgment, deceit, wrath, and envy lead to places as dark as the sins of debauchery, drunkenness, and drugs, and they are much easier to hide. One thing I’m certain of now more than ever, however, is that there is no road so long, bumpy, or broken that it doesn’t have a detour leading directly to the foot of the cross. God is not only a God of second chances, but also third, fourth, fifth…

If you have found yourself on some treacherous, sin-laden terrain, please sweet sister know that others have stumbled down those roads before you. Know that there is redemption in the heart of your Jesus who loves you. Like the quest for one satisfying bite that never came, is the quest for meaning, peace, purpose, or joy in a life of continual, deliberate sin. Don’t take another bite. Don’t waste another moment, before you seek to be satisfied by the only One capable of handling the pressure.

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

1 Peter 1:3-8 (The Message)

 3-5 What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we've been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you'll have it all—life healed and whole. 6-7 I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory. 8-9 You never saw him, yet you love him. You still don't see him, yet you trust him—with laughter and singing. Because you kept on believing, you'll get what you're looking forward to: total salvation.

With much love,

Tonya

Leviticus Anyone?

Okay, so this post isn’t at all about transparency, it’s especially long, and it’s filled with Jewish history. You may be tempted to bail now, but I encourage you to take the 10 minutes required and discover an amazing event in the life of Jesus in a new and fresh way. I’m telling you it’s cool.

Have you read Leviticus lately? No? Me either. In fact I can’t promise that I’ve ever read Leviticus (there’s some transparency). I’ve had good intentions to do so - lots of times. Genesis I can do. Exodus, that’s good too, but Leviticus not so much, or so I thought. In Leviticus chapter 23, we find the LORD giving Moses the command regarding the Feast of Tabernacles, but why? The Israelites had finally been given the Promised Land rich with possessions and the proverbial milk and honey. God knew that these people would easily forget the constant provisions He had provided during their forty years of wandering in the desert. He had seen it countless times before. The Feast of Tabernacles was to be a safeguard for the people, a yearly celebration to remember that God had met their every need and that He would keep His promise. The Feast lasted eight days book marked by days of Sabbath rests. During the course of the Feast, the Israelites were to leave their new, comfy homes and dwell in “sukkot,” a Hebrew word, meaning tabernacle or booth. Think modern day tent.

Fast-forward about 1200 years to the city of Jerusalem, and we find the Jewish people still celebrating the annual Feast of Tabernacles. Somewhere in history, many believe it began with Isaiah, a water ceremony was added. The water ceremony was a plea for rain as they were very dependent upon rainwater that came during their two rainy seasons. Remember too that these people were very familiar with every OT prophecy regarding the coming Messiah and knew that those prophecies were very commonly used in the context of water. Therefore, the ceremony held both physical and spiritual significance.

With much pomp and circumstance the High Priest fully clothed in his most priestly garb, worshippers, Levites, musicians, and rabbis would march from the Temple to the Pool of Siloam. The High Priest would gather water in a golden pitcher, then, the crowd would march the half mile back to the Temple at which time they would all pause for 3 blasts on silver trumpet and the High Priest would shout, “With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation..” (Isaiah 12:3 The priest would then pour the water into a vessel on the altar, the trumpets would blast three more times and the people would shout, Psalms 118:25, “Save now I beseech thee, O LORD, O LORD, I beseech thee, send now prosperity.” I guess they didn’t have access to the NIV. This was the scene every morning for six days.

Hoshanna Rabba marked the seventh day of the Feast. It was the culmination of excitement and expectation that had grown during the Feast. On the first six days there was one march around the altar and 3 trumpet blasts before the water was poured at the altar. The seventh day brought seven marches around the altar and seven rounds of three trumpet blasts. At that point, the people would shout, “Please bring salvation now. Please, God, please save and bring salvation now.” This is still a part of the Feast of Tabernacles for the Jewish nation. It is called hakkafot, a glorious climax of celebration, seeking, and praise.

Pause for a moment and imagine yourself in 1^st century Jerusalem, thousands have gathered for one of the most important Holy celebrations of the year. This year, however, is different. This year there is a new excitement, a new tension. The mobs of people are consumed with talk of a young rabbi, who performs many signs. His name is Jesus. Thousands want to see Him. Many want to witness a miracle, many more need a miracle, and many want to see His ministry put to an end. So, while they march praying for a Saviour, their thoughts are preoccupied with Jesus and the question on everyone’s one is, “Will He show?”

John 7 recounts the events surrounding the Feast of the Tabernacles, during Jesus’ first year of ministry. Take a moment and read John 7: 1-36. You can do it right from your computer, go to www.biblegateway.com We find Jesus’ own brothers taunting Him. “Go. If you really want people to know you…Go.” They didn’t believe Jesus was the Messiah until after the Resurrection. Finally we see Jesus at the Feast, teaching in the outer courts. There would have been large numbers of people in town to listen to Him teach, but He was not yet where the action was – inside the Temple.

Verse 37 says, “On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice…” Okay, remember the last day of the Feast? Much pomp. Much circumstance. Throngs of people enthralled in a huge celebration surrounding the water. Trumpets, shouting, “Wells of salvation! Prosperity Now! God please bring Salvation now!” I imagine that the room was electric with prayer; prayer for water; prayer for the Messiah, and Jesus was there. His time had finally come, and in a loud voice He stands and shouts, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within Him.”  

Wow. I don’t know about you, but my goodness I think that that is stinkin’ Awesome. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about being intentional  - intentional in relationships, prayer, the Word. It seems clear to me that God is all about intentional. Think about these words, “On the last and greatest day of the Feast…” Scripture makes it clear that the authors penned each word of the Bible by divine inspiration of the Holy Spirit, so we know God included these words for a reason. These words are in there intentionally so that we might know the full meaning of this passage and better understand the significance of “the right time.” I know that if it had been me, I would have marched down right after the taunting and showed them just what a Messiah could do. I would have at least shared with them my plan, so they would know what I had in mind was much better than their weak scheme. A reminder that God's timing is always perfect. And talk about dramatic. Can you imagine being in church on Sunday, thousands of people shouting, “Jesus please come now,” and suddenly the ceiling lifts and He says, “Here I am.” That’s essentially what He did at the Feast of Tabernacles.

I had to research this at school this week, and it left me hungry to know more, to read God’s Word with new intentionality, seeking the fullness of the Glory revealed on each page. If you think this is cool, continue reading through John 8. You’ll find the incident with the woman caught in the act of adultery and then Jesus telling the Jews, “I am the light of the world…” Keep in mind that this happened on the eighth day of the Feast, also known as the Illumination ceremony, when Jerusalem was completely illuminated by candelabra’s in every courtyard. How much more awesomeness am I missing because I read these words for the sole purpose of saying that I did?

The historical information regarding the Feast and the water ceremony came from, Christ in the Feast of the Tabernacles, by David Brickner. Very interesting read.

With much love,

Tonya

It's An Ongoing Battle of the Tongue

Contentment is an ongoing battle in this household. “Why can’t you just be satisfied with what you have?” Oh if I had a nickel…Last Christmas, Veggie Tales released a new movie, It’s a Meaningful Life, and it dealt with, you guessed it, contentment. Needless to say, I swooped it up, made the popcorn, popped it in and movie night was on in the Stiles house – nothing like a good illustration to drive my point home. The experience would not have been complete without discussion breaks and hypothetical scenarios to practice the valuable lessons we were gleaning from our veggie friends.

As you know, because I’ve told you so many times before, my mouth is another ongoing battle. Not so much in my house as in my life. So being the Good Father that He is, God provided me, the rebellious child, with my own perfect illustration. I doubt that popcorn was a part of the experience, but I know He was watching, and I feel confident He will provide me with real life opportunities to repeat the grace shown to me by sweet Lori, who put out my fiery tongue with syrup and molasses.

We have construction going on in our home right now. It’s been on and off for four years, but it’s been every day since September 1st. Each day is filled with questions, decisions, endless banging, deliveries, catastrophes, and people. People everywhere. We are living in the end days, however, and the finale is in sight. Furniture that has been back ordered for months is slowly trickling in. Our bedroom was finally ready for the new bed. It was the lone piece that had arrived on time way back in October. Since those colorful autumn days the solid frame has been moved from room to room, waiting patiently for its permanent home. Friday was the day. Assembly commenced, but in the end it was not to be. Headboard – one size. Footboard – another. It was the final blow in a day wrought with disaster.

Lori answered the phone of the company who has held my furniture hostage for months and sabotaged the single piece that had made its way home. Within seconds she knew I was angry, no furious, and while I assured her that I meant no harm to her personally I made it clear that I had “Reached the Peak of FRUSTRATION With This Company.” Through angry tears I laid all of my frustrations at Lori’s feet, and in graciousness and calm Lori simply listened. When she finally spoke, her words were gentle and sincere, not at all defensive, or put off. Lori was truly interested in what had gone wrong and even though I had been so ugly, Lori responded beautifully with kind words and a helpful spirit.

My anger subsided. I knew Lori was living out Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger,” and I knew that Jesus was using her to speak into the depths of my soul. I doodle when I’m on the phone and about Lori I wrote, “Jesus used her today.” I don’t know if Lori reacted out of her love for Jesus, good customer service training, or both, but I know, whether she did or not, that Jesus was using her in that moment to minister to a stranger. What a beautiful picture of God’s Word being lived out.

Notice the “heaping coals” I also doodled. It comes from Proverbs 25:21-23, “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.”

With Much Love,

Tonya

Praying Faith Part 2 of Praying Peace

I posted recently my struggle between whether to pray peace or pray contentment for Axl throughout the year. The choice was important and did need to be prayerfully considered, but really it went much deeper than that for me. For me, it became my need to help God help Axl.

After Warren’s prayer, I told him my conflict between the two words and the thoughts that surrounded the choice. It was when I expressed the process out loud that God revealed to me that my anxiety had been about control, specifically my desire to control God. I wanted to control God, because I didn’t trust that He could really understand what Axl needed without my fully explaining it to Him.

I’ve tried to revise and reword that so it didn’t say anything remotely close to “I didn’t trust”, but to say it any other way is simply a lie. Please know that while there is now no more condemnation for believers, there absolutely is conviction of sin by the Holy Spirit and thank you God for it. I looked at Warren as the realization flooded over ever ounce of my being and simply said, “I was trying to control God.” Oh my goodness my heart was broken. My sin was obvious. I had not trusted.

More than ten years ago a college professor told my class that control was a sign of insecurity. Mortified at the possibility of my being insecure - can you even imagine? (I hope sarcasm translates on paper) - I made it clear to my classmates that my control issue came directly as a result of my arrogance. Sad, that I thought arrogance was a much more attractive quality than insecurity. To me, no one could possibly do any job as good as I could and for that reason I sought to control every aspect of a project. Team player I was not. Now I understand that my professor and I were both mistaken in our evaluation of control.

At the heart of control is a lack of trust. When I seek to control my loved ones it is because I don’t trust them to make the best decisions without my help. And when I sought to control God it was the same. How arrogant of me to presume that they need my help – that the One who holds the universe could possibly benefit from any explanation or advice that I might offer.

My controlling nature is an aspect of my personality that I have accepted and many times have worn like a badge of honor. I let myself believe that it doesn’t really hurt anybody. After all, I affirm my husband as the head of our house and I try desperately not to cross the boundary there. We laugh as if it’s just another quirky quality. The truth of the matter is that the need to control is rooted in sin, and harboring a little sin because it makes me feel better inevitably leads me into areas of greater temptation and deeper in sin. Like going from trying to control my loved ones to trying to control God.

One of my first jobs was as a receptionist at a local hair salon. I started in steamy July and for any self-respecting, eighteen-year-old, southern girl going to work in the “beauty parlor”, that meant wearing the cutest open toed shoes that one could find. What I didn’t know is that freshly cut hair can act like a splinter, and my super cute sandals provided the perfect entry point for tiny chards of hair to get under my skin and become embedded. Now, tiny slithers of hair are well, tiny and the first time one of them made it self at home in my skin I wasn’t immediately aware of it. After a few days of walking around, however, I can assure you that it made its presence known. It started to hurt, and then it started to ache, and before long every step was an excruciating task that I would liken to walking on nails, if I had ever done so. Like a splinter, removing it was painful, but once it was out, the pain subsided and the hurt that it brought went away. After my first encounter with a hair splinter, I learned to come home each day and make sure that there were no hairs under the skin, and if they were, to deal with them immediately.

Isn’t sin so the same way. Hard to notice at first, but once it’s embedded it’s painful to deal with and painful to remove. The daily hair checks remind me that I have to be as diligent with my soul, continually asking God to search my heart and make sin known to me.

Psalms 139:23-24 says, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

The Transparent Me has been a great way for God to point out my offensive ways, and it culminated that day in the car on the way to the airport. My sticky note had a p.s. and it read:

p.s. You need to lose control!

So this year while I’m praying peace for Axl, I’m praying faith for me.

With much love,

Tonya

Praying Peace

Okay, so I told you that I love Lysa TerKeurst’s ministry and blog. If you haven’t checked it out, do so. God has really equipped her with a powerful message for women. It is practical, entertaining, and above all it's life changing. About a week ago she had a great post about praying a one-word prayer for each of her children over the course of the year.

Immediately I loved the idea. Simple. I can do simple. I began to reflect on Axl. What one word would embody my hearts desire for him in the upcoming year? Peace. Maybe contentment. He’s a little high strung, much like his mother, so definitely peace or maybe contentment. See how I like to take simple and make it complicated. Maybe I could modify the idea and make it two words: peace AND contentment. And so went my mind reeling for a couple of days over the very important decision between peace and contentment. Peace comes with contentment, so it should be contentment. Contentment seems limiting, so it should be peace. I know. Please tell me you’re like this too…

In the end, it was clear that my prayer for Axl this year was simply peace. God confirmed it in an amazingly sweet way. As Warren and I were headed to the airport Saturday morning, Warren prayed about our trip and for Axl who was staying home. I knew his prayer before it left his sweet lips, “God, please let Axl have peace while we are away.” I had not discussed with him at all the one-word prayer dilemma. Tears erupted and my heart swelled.

I call these moments “Sticky Notes From Jesus.” They’re not sea splitting miracles of life, but they are small gestures that remind us that Jesus is ever present in the details of our lives. Have you ever gotten a sticky note from a spouse or loved one? They always seem to show up at just the right moment. The thing I love most about sticky notes is the planning involved. Whether they’re tucked in a book, a lunchbox, or placed on the bathroom mirror, someone had to have the forethought to get it there. The same is true about sticky notes from Jesus. He sees our lives, knows our struggles, and knows the precise moment to reach down and say, “Hey, just wanted you to know that I get your concern over peace or contentment. I think Peace. I Love You. Signed, Jesus.”

I believe that sticky notes from Jesus are all around us. I believe they come in the form of front row parking spaces, favorite songs on the radio, and the words of those we encounter on a daily basis. Jesus is speaking, in fact, He is screaming, “I know you. I love you. I care.”

Be on the lookout. I pray that today you will find a sticky note from Jesus.

With much love,

Tonya

We Don't Say That

There are words that good girls don’t say, especially good Christian girls. Right? Oh, I hope not, because if that’s true I am neither good nor Christian. How about there are words that people shouldn’t say, but sometimes they do, and their hearts are heavy because of it, and then they go to the feet of the Father again, and seek forgiveness with true repentance in their heart, and they live to fight the battle of the potty mouth another day.

My mouth is not the sinful dwelling place for hideous language that it once was, but some days I still lose the battle. I did Monday night, when in the frustration of the moment I said THE bad word…twice; at the dinner table; in a restaurant; in front of other people. I obviously never claim to be perfect, but sometimes I feel like such a phony - women’s ministry, blogging for Jesus – really?

I am convinced I could post everyday and everyday would reveal a new, equally sinful, equally yucky struggle of the flesh that creeps into the crevices of my life and attempts to dig roots and make a home there. Oh, how I love me some Paul when he says, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do (Romans 7:15).”

Who am I, Miss Foul Mouth, to share the hope of Jesus with anyone? Knocked down, but not defeated that’s who I am. Oh, the enemy would love to keep me there, dancing around in a pit of self-loathing, defining my existence by a moment, but then there's Jesus. Jesus whose truth speaks with more authority over my soul than the limited power of the tongue tempter.  I know that through His blood I am redeemed, rescued from the dominion of darkness and brought into His Kingdom, and there I find no condemnation. There I find grace, there I find healing, there I find strength to get to the heart of the mouth issue, and there I find freedom from it. Jesus is not condoning my words or the heart that produced them; He is calling me out of that mire to get about the business of my Father. If I wait until I have it all together to feel equipped to share His love, then I’ll never take one step forward.

When sins of the past creep back into your life, do you allow yourself to become despondent and defeated or do you run to the refuge of the Redeemer, seeking forgiveness, knowing that He has paid the price so that you can freely receive it?

I thank my sweet Jesus that my tongue is not the wild, unbridled beast that it used to be. I pray that He would continue to grow me in the area of self-control until it is totally tamed and capable only of words of love and edification. As you can imagine, I am still firmly parked at Proverbs 15:1.

These verses encouraged me today:

Ephesians 1:7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.

Colossians 1:13 For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves…

Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…

With much love,

Tonya