Eliminating the List

I’ve been guilty of keeping a list. You’d never find it on paper. It’s not meant to be seen – that would be cruel. You see this is a list of women that I don’t didn't like. Wait. Hear me out. I had good reason not to like them. They didn’t like me first.

None of them ever said they didn’t like me; I just knew. I could tell when they didn’t light up when I came around, smile when we passed in public, approach me for meaningful conversation or even idle chitchat. If they didn’t stand by me at parties, compliment my shoes, or make me feel valued in any way, then they must not have liked me. And if they didn’t like me, well, I certainly wasn’t about to like them back. They were the mean girls.

Over time, the list grew, and maintaining it became cumbersome. I wanted to be free from the string of names that I considered enemies. I was keeping a list of wrongs, perceived ones at that, and there was no love in my heart. I knew it was a sin.

I started to wonder if these women were really my enemies at all. I mean, I’m likable, at least to a degree, so was it logical that so many women chose not to like me because they were just plain mean spirited? I doubted it.

Tired of carrying the weight of the list, I decided to approach my so-called enemies in a new way. I decided to love on them, to smile at them, stand by them, engage them in conversations, compliment their shoes, make them feel valued in any way possible. I began to treat them like I had wanted them to treat me so many times before.

Turns out everyone on the list smiled back, talked back, complimented back, enjoyed being valued, and freely reciprocated the feeling. Before long new relationships emerged, and every name was erased. Turns out I never had any enemies.

In the end, I was kind of the mean girl. My insecurity, my need to be validated by everyone around me caused me to see everyone’s actions in light of how they affected me. I never considered how the insecurities, situations, or lives of the women on my list prevented them from making me feel special, or that it was not their job to do so. It didn't occur to me that I might be on their list, or that they might be in need of someone reaching out to them.

Do you have a list?

Do you have insecurities that cause you to overlook opportunities to reach out to other women in genuine friendship and love? Consider the words of Jesus.

Matthew 5:43-48 reads, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

I encourage you to take the first step in forging a new friendship with a woman on your list. Send her an encouraging e-mail, offer a sincere compliment, smile in her direction, pray for her – right now.